When did it become February?

Wow. The last time I posted was at the end of September. At that time it was still "warm", the Cardinals hadn't gone to the World Series again, Eagle Hall was not known for an incredible Haunted House program, I had not yet been offered the chance of a lifetime to advise a student group to Kenya, I had not hosted my very first Thanksgiving, I had not completed my first ever 5Ks, and I had not yet gone through one of the hardest experiences of my life: saying goodbye to a former resident who unfortunately passed away too soon.

I write all this as I'm about to walk out the door to head to the gym for only the 4th time since returning from Kenya. This blog is suppose to be about my weight loss and half-marathon training journey, but it is so much more than that. It's about life and the continual balancing act that I have to play food, exercise, work, stresses and fun. For some people, food/exercise might not be a constant thought in their minds, but for me, it is.

I have had an amazing past 4 months coupled with some of the hardest of times. I am happy and content in my own life, yet saddened and worried for the society I see around me. But no matter what, the worry of food is like a soundtrack playing in the background of my life.

At some point I will share more details about what is was like to live in a village in Africa for 3 weeks or how incredibly hard it was to say goodbye to a student while being in awe of the community my former residents had built to support one another, but right now I need to focus on myself.

This past week, after I was hit with yet another shocking reminder of how precious and short life can be, I was continually told by those around me that I needed to "take some time for myself". I ignored everyone at first. I knew there were things to do and I wanted to be present for all those students who I knew were hurting. I wanted to be strong for all of them. Besides, what does time off for myself even look like?

I had/still have no idea really, but I eventually listened to all those around me and took a couple days off of work and just sat. I had no agenda, no meetings, no to-do list. It took me mere minutes to realize I had no idea what to do for myself. I had been so wrapped up helping everyone around me that I completely forgot about me. So I sat with the Olympics on in the background and my dog at my feet. I was bored, restless, and was faced with dealing with my own emotions. Frustrated, I did the only logical thing: a puzzle.

A puzzle was the perfect distraction. It kept me busy, focused, and clear-headed. I was not having to constantly deal with the outside world, but instead just had this simple task to complete.

This weekend was emotional and draining on its own, but when you threw that on top of 3 weeks of struggles backed up to a cultural trip of a lifetime, it is only a matter of time before one would break down.

I used this time to refresh and recharge. All the pain and stresses are still out there, but they are more manageable when I am taking care of myself. I woke up this morning feeling more like myself again. Lately, there had been so much heartache around me that it was hard to think about the good things. Laughing was even hard. Crying seemed to be the only viable option. But, a new day helped and I am ready to continue the battle of building a better world around me; however, small my individual fight might be.

I will first start with me again, focusing on my training, eating healthy, and making overall good life decisions. I will continue to be the best version of myself while taking all the opportunities I can to make each day count.

Took me 4 years to start this puzzle, but only two days to complete.