Be Kind to Yourself

So often I find that I am mentally beating myself up over seemingly minor things. Things that if I hear someone else talk down about, I would tell them that it isn't a big deal. But I can't shut off these thoughts! 

Lately, I have been having a rough time with food. I went to a wedding and an exec team camp. I then got sick and gave myself a silly little toe injury. All of this combined, resulted in a week of poor food choices and very little exercise. 

Now, looking at the whole picture, this was just one week and not even a whole week. I had good days and I did manage to run on occasion. But that doesn't help change my attitude. To me, I did not have a "perfect" week; therefore, it was a complete failure and, as a result, I "beat" myself up over it. 

Now, I know these are irrational thoughts, especially since I am trained in counseling and have been taught to recognize these thoughts even more, but I still think them. 

One of my favorite counseling concepts/theories/ideals is the notion that our emotions, thoughts, and actions are all tied together and if you can control one, you can ultimately change/impact/control the others. 

After recognizing how miserable I felt last week, because I let myself "fall off the wagon" a tiny bit, I wanted to try and start focusing on more positive areas. Yes, we all have slip-ups and yes, I did have a rough food/exercise week, but I managed to get right back on it this week and I am nowhere near where I was when I started. 

So, how can I better avoid this pitfall next time? I'm going to focus on "controlling" my thoughts. When I find myself getting down and being upset because I ate an extra piece of candy, I'm going to tell myself to STOP IT and move on and do better next time. And then I will let it go. I will NOT continue eating and feeling sorry for myself. I know this is easier said than done, but I am going to try. 

I should not let what the scale says dictate how I feel during the day or one tiny "mistake". Food is going to be a life-time struggle with me and I know I am going to have good and not-so-good days. I don't want a "not-so-good" food day to ruin my mood. 

I know this is a struggle for most people. We can have a fantastic day and one little thing goes wrong and that is what we focus on. Why? We should be better at forgiving ourselves and moving on. 

This week I am doing great. Eating healthy, running again, and even added in some Pilates. I hope this trend continues, but I know if I slip-up, I can/will get right back on it the next meal/day. 

I'M BACK! And working on my balance!

It has been a long time since I was able to blog, but I am back! 

Starting on August 17th, I have been in staff training for my job and it has been nonstop action. During this time I have met and bonded with my entire Leadership Team, enjoyed a Mississippi River Cruise, spent time at Camp, participated in both high and low rope courses, attended numerous training sessions, and been presented with way too many unhealthy food options! 

Staff training requires not only time and energy, but also the skill of balancing your personal and professional worlds. Considering how much I love my job, it is so easy to get caught up in it and have it be the only thing I do from sunup to sundown. Going into my second year as a Hall Director at UW-L, though, I've definitely learned a thing or two about balance. 

This summer I worked really hard to get organized for this year and to set personal goals that I wanted to accomplish. When training began, I was motivated and prepared to take on this challenging time of the year. Because of all this preparation and forethought, I've been able to move through training quite successful! 

Besides all the wonderful work related things I could talk about (because there are many since my staff team, exec team, and overall building is incredible already!), I've had amazing success with my personal journey of weight-loss and half-marathon training during this time! In the past, the time spent during training is a time that I would usually gain weight and/or ignore exercise making the statement: "I'm too busy, too tired, too stressed, too ____ to eat right or workout." This time I was determined to not fall into that pattern. 

During these couple weeks of training, I have managed to up my long-run to 7 miles, continued to run several times a week, participated in my first "organized" 5K (I got a bag to prove it!), and even lose weight (down more than 15 pounds since starting my half-marathon training)! 

I am beyond proud of myself for these accomplishments. I would have been happy with just one of the above, but I am thrilled to have been so successful this time around. I am not saying I did not have my slip-ups or give into some food cravings, but I managed to not let those define this journey. I am feeling more motivated than ever and I am determined to continue this more balanced personal and professional life. Finding the time to run on a regular basis can be challenging, but I'm learning it is more than worth it! 

Thank you to everyone who has asked me about my health journey, requested to run with me (and to those who I actually let run with me!), shared compliments, and offered support along the way. I would not be this successful without each and everyone one of you! 

I promise to blog more often now! 

New Recipe

Yesterday as I was exploring the always entertaining Pinterest site, I found a recipe for a Weight Watchers friendly french toast. I was wanting to spice up my breakfast so I decided to try it this morning and not only was it darn good, it was super easy and quick! This particular recipe was just 5 points for me!

Here is the recipe:

Ingredients: 

1 egg
1 tablespoon skim milk
1 pinch salt 
2 slices low-cal bread
low-fat cooking spray
1 banana
1 teaspoon honey
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 cup no sugar syrup if desired

Directions

1. Beat the egg in shallow bowl with milk and salt.
2. Add 2 slices of bread and turn to coat in egg mixture.
3. Heat a frying pan and coat with a low-fat cooking spray and fry the bread for 2 minutes on each side or until golden. 
4. Place french toast on a plate and add banana pieces. 
5. Sprinkle with cinnamon, honey and syrup. 

It's so easy to forget about breakfast or grab something unhealthy on the way out the door. I've made it a point to keep my apartment stocked with healthy and filling cereal bars, but then also quick meal ideas like fruit and yogurt, cereal and milk, and now I will add this to the list!

5 point WW Breakfast that was yummy, filling, and quick! 

Daily Conversations

Everyday since starting this blog conversation, I have been greeted by people sharing their own struggles with me and supporting me on my journey. Old friends have been reaching out to me via Facebook, supportive texts have been delivered, and whispered thanks have been shared. People want to know that they are not alone in their struggles and this blog is doing just that. But it's not just me, others have the same thoughts I do and are sharing in similar ways. Just today CNN put out an article about weight loss blogging! How cool! (Granted, it would have been cooler if it featured me! haha One day maybe!)

I have recently found myself speechless over how many people have opened up to me about anything and everything related to their weight loss and exercise stories. And each time someone comes to me, I feel consumed with happiness, pride, excitement, energy, motivation, etc and I just want to continue the conversation all day, everyday. So, why is it so hard for so many of us to talk about in the first place? It's not like our weight is hiding and if we don't speak up about it, people won't know. If it was hiding we would not have a desire to change it! 

I could go into the social stigma associated with weight, the personal baggage people carry related to their size, the physical struggle of losing weight, or the shame that some people feel, but we know all of that. We know that changing habits is hard and we know that everyone is fighting their own battles, but no one should have to do it alone. It is easier when you can share your struggles (and future successes) with someone. 

I am not saying I have to be that person, although I would love to be, I am just saying to start the conversation and, if you have already made that first step, continue the conversation and good luck with your journey! 

One of my successes of the day: Yummy, filling and Weight Watchers - Friendly breakfast! 

New Achievements

This weekend I had family visiting and on Saturday we decided to go for a run together. If you run from my building, through the marshes, to the Mississippi River and back, it's exactly 6 miles. My aunt and I decided to attempt this. Before this past Sunday, the farthest I had ever ran nonstop was 4 miles. I have ran/walked way more, but never have I ran more than four miles at a time.

Well, Sunday was the day to break that 4 mile record and boy did I crush it! Six miles, nonstop! We ran slow, but we were consistent and managed to run the entire thing. I was so proud of us!

Then, today, I decided to see if I could run 5 miles at my own pace. So once again I took off through the marsh trails. I am proud to say that I ran 5 miles, nonstop in under an hour today!

For those of you not good with math, that was 11 miles this weekend! Part of me does not believe that I ran that much, especially considering I felt pretty good both during and after the run. It's amazing what just two months of training has done for me and I cannot wait to see more improvements!

Because I ran so much this weekend, I am going to be taking it easy during the week with just some 2-3 mile runs. From everything I have read, it is important not to over train and I want to listen to that advice, because I have plenty of time!

Feeling great about this training and very ready to take on the week!

Lesson Learned!

I don't know what triggered it, but yesterday when I came home from work I was just hungry and decided to eat basically anything I saw. I had been doing so well, I don't know why I let myself consume so much food. But, I did. To make things worse, I was "scheduled" to run my first 5 miles that night. Since I had just filled my face with food, I decided to wait awhile before running, but believe me, I wanted to say "forget it" and run another day, but I don't want to get into that habit!

So, I decided to run despite still having a full stomach. My first 3 miles were great. It was actually pretty easy. My plan was to run to the river and back by way of the marsh trails. I was cruising right along, hit my three miles and was thinking "this is easy...I'm going to actually run 5 miles without stopping"! Then it hit me. Major stomach ache that stopped me in my tracks.

I tried to jog the remaining two miles, but my body just was not having it, so I strolled on back to my apartment. Overall, I did run/walk almost 6 miles that night, but I did so in pain and not with the best time record.

I am proud of myself for not letting a food "slip" stop me from running, but I sure did learn my lesson! In case I was unsure about eating healthy and training for a half-marathon before, I now know that I cannot just eat whatever I want whenever I want! Back to fruit and counting points for me!

Until this point, I was having one success after the other. Each run was better than the last in some way, but not this run. Now, I didn't really want to share this with anyone, but I figured if I did, then I will be less likely to repeat this mistake in the future. So here's to learning from my mistakes! And hoping my next attempt at 5 miles goes better!

Obstacles and Support

These past two days were hard and I knew they were going to be. I am in the middle of training for my job and some meals are typically provided. Usually, I can work around these meals by accommodating for the unknown points at lunch, by having a smaller breakfast and/or dinner. However, these last couple days we were away on a retreat and all meals were provided for us. These were pretty great meals too and they all had multiple dessert options! In addition, there were tons of snacks everywhere I turned, including those dreaded double-stuffed Oreo cookies!

It was hard to regulate my portions and know exactly what I was eating for the day, but I made sure to fill up on large salads, skip most desserts (yes, I indulged in a little ice-cream), include tons of the veggie dishes, and work in activity when I could. Then, when I returned home today, I made sure to instantly get back on track with my running schedule and ran my three miles for the day.

Staying on track while away is hard, but not impossible. I came prepared with the mindset that I was not going to let these two days derail me. Furthermore, I made sure to pack healthy snack/meal options that included cliff bars and bananas; therefore, when everyone was reaching for bagels and extra french toast in the morning, I had a banana with a little peanut butter. Having a cliff bar to curb my appetite also helped when we all made a Culver's stop. I ate that before stopping for the fast food, so I wasn't tempted to get anything. And I am proud to say I did not!

It also helped that I had my coworker's to support me. They would give random high fives, share in the frustration of so many snacks, and allowed me to voice my struggle. One has even started picking me up and spinning me around to help boost my spirits and congratulate me on avoiding certain foods! I must say, I am rather enjoying that show of support! :)

It's important to prepare for things that might easily derail you, like this retreat I just had. But giving some forethought to the situations can help keep you on track and maintain your motivation. I feel much better tonight knowing that I stuck to my plan and made overall healthier decisions, than I would have if I had regressed into old habits.

<Click Photo to Enlarge>
View of our retreat location from the top of the bell tower. It was a nice climb to the top! 

A New Normal

The other day at Weight Watchers my leader talked about creating a "new normal". She was referring to how we think about and eat food and how we incorporate activity into our day-to-day lives. Weight Watchers is not a diet, but rather a lifestyle change. I have heard this said dozens of times throughout my time with Weight Watchers and I believe it to be absolutely true. Individuals believing it is a diet or a "quick fix" to weight loss may have short-term success, but I think have a harder time in the long-run.

For me, my "new normal" surprises me daily. Before joining Weight Watchers and seeing success, I spent most of my days sitting around and eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. This is no longer the case. Nowadays, it is actually hard to get me to just sit down and do nothing!


My "new normal" was highlighted significantly yesterday. A former RA of mine came to visit me this weekend and we decided to go for a bike ride on Saturday. After doing some research we decided to explore the Sparta trails and investigate these "tunnels" that were mentioned as being along the path. This semi-spontaneous bike ride resulted in us going nearly 24 miles, seeing two really cool tunnels, and being scared by a close, and rather loud, cow!



Our bodies were killing us towards the end of this ride, but we were so proud of our accomplishment. All I wanted to do after, though, was to sleep for a very long time; however, I still had my 4 mile run to do! I strongly considered postponing it for a day, but I knew that would mess up my schedule for the week considering I am out of town for two days for a training conference. So...I ran. It was a struggle, but in the end, I only ran it 30 seconds longer than my last 4 mile run and I kept to my schedule despite desperately wanting to slack off!

Yes, I feel like postponing a run after a 24 mile bike ride would have been justified, but I am so proud of myself for sticking to my goals! Being active is now part of my "new normal" and I am very happy for it!

Pictures of the two tunnels we came across while on the bike trails near Sparta, WI. You had to walk your bikes in a single file line on the right through these because it was so dark. I learned tons of history while on this ride including that trains used these tunnels back in the day and the doors helped keep the moisture out during the colder months. One tunnel was built in 1873! 

THANK YOU!

I wanted to take this moment to just say thank you to everyone who has been reading this. Everyday since starting this blog, I have either had someone surprise me by telling me they have been reading it or thanking me for sharing my story. I have been happily overwhelmed by how many people have taken an interest and it has helped keep me motivated everyday. Words cannot express how thankful I am for all of you and all the support you have shown me already. I am beyond appreciative. Thank you! :)

Weight Lifting and Motivation

Yesterday was one of my off days from running so I decided to start lifting some weights. All I did was some upper body work with some free weights. Now, I know nothing about lifting weights and I sometimes feel silly when I have these experienced weight lifters working out beside me, but I want to continue to add this into my half-marathon training. If anyone has any advice in this area, send them my way! I also think I'm going to reference this "Strength Training for a Half-Marathon" article for just some general ideas.

Since yesterday was my off day, I had a real struggle motivating myself to run today. I had a 3 mile run to do and I was just not feeling it, but I know if I am serious about this half-marathon, I must keep up with the schedule! So I ran. I don't know if it was because I did not want to be running, but I ran my first mile in just 10 minutes and all three in 32 minutes! I did not believe my phone app when it announced my time. That's a full minute faster than my last time!

That was a great feeling of accomplishment and just what I needed to get back my motivation. I am starting to understand and appreciate that feeling I have after a great run. I must keep that knowledge in mind when I am struggling to put on my tennis shoes...

4 Miles!

This weekend was no match for me! Yes, I ate more than I would have normally, but I also made sure to get in more activity. I am extremely blessed to live in such a beautiful area, so this weekend I got to enjoy a nice hike up the bluffs that are just within walking distance of my apartment. Furthermore, I upped my half-marathon training and ran 4 miles today. Running 3 miles was really difficult for me so I was slightly dreading four; however, these 4 miles seemed to go, do I dare say it, easy? I ran 2 miles toward the Mississippi River and then turned around to run the second 2 miles back. I'm not sure if it was the 61 degree temperature, the classic rock music on my Spotify, the path I chose to run, or some other factor, but I had a great 4 mile run! I can only remember one other time in my life when I ran 4 miles without stopping. So this was a huge accomplishment today! I am so excited to continue this training and to keep improving my running ability!

Challenges

When eating healthy is not your norm (or even when it is) and you are not a natural athlete, everything can appear to be a challenge. And challenges usually only mean one thing: an excuse to quit.

These past couple days have already presented me with several, minor challenges. I have received my first running related injury...a blister! Those things are just annoying. In an effort to cushion the blister on my pinky toe, I placed a band aid over it. This band aid then proceeded to give my other toe a blister! So now I am researching how to prevent blisters from running. I will gladly take any and all tips you might have on how to help reduce this issue during my training!

My second challenge was related to weather and having to run indoors. So far, I have been very lucky with the weather. I've been able to work it out so that every day I needed to run, I was able to do so outside. When running, I enjoy being able to take my own path and actually travel somewhere, so I love just setting out for the neighborhoods and running whatever street I want to run at that moment.

When the weather is bad, it is clearly not conducive to running outside. I belong to a really great gym (Snap Fitness Bluffside), but it does not have an indoor track; therefore, if I want to run indoors, I have to run on a treadmill. I am not the biggest fan of running on a treadmill for long distances. It seems odd to me to run in place for that long and have others constantly working out around me. I just constantly feel judged! Plus, treadmills just seem harder!

Well, I finally had to face this situation on Thursday and I ran 3 miles on the treadmill. It was not my best run at all, but I ran it. I am going to have to get use to this when the winter hits, though! And for me, I feel like winter is almost every day here in Wisconsin...

My third challenge is my desire to be social. Being social almost always equals food. Whether you are meeting over a meal, gathering for drinks, throwing a party, enjoying a BBQ, etc., being social constantly involves food. It's hard because you want to be around people, but you don't want to offend anyone by not eating, you don't know if you will be strong enough to avoid the food that is there, and you don't want to feel awkward or out of place. Furthermore, people love to give food as gifts and that would just be rude to not accept a gift!

Anyway, this is constantly a challenge and this weekend definitely proved that. I had two wonderful friends visit, had a lovely happy hour with coworkers, and was given a pie as a gift. All of these things were incredible and I enjoyed every minute, but it means I have to work hard to get back on track. Weight Watchers builds in flex points into their program for these exact moments. I may not be able to track everything I eat in one meal or I may eat more than my daily allowance, but that is okay and the occasional indulgence is encouraged. It is important not to beat yourself up about these moments, but rather enjoy them and continue on your weight loss journey.

Challenges are a part of life and a part of the weight loss process. In the past, all of these in one week would have derailed me for months. But not this time. This time, I am keeping my goal in better focus.

Running

I don't run fast, but I'm faster than I used to be! For me, I was always happy if I finished a mile around 12 minutes. Yes, I know, for runners out there that time is less than impressive and I used to be embarrassed by that number. I have so many friends in my life who are either consistent, casual runners, or marathon runners that I was always ashamed to share my running times with anyone. (How I became friends with so many marathoners, I will never know! But I love you all and thank you for always being an inspiration!)

Anyway, as I am going through this training, I've been keeping track via an iPhone app called MapMyRun. That app enables me to run freely around my community and it tracks my distance, speed, time, and calories. It's a handy little tool! 

Tonight on my run it registered me as doing 3 miles in 32:46 which means that I ran these 3 miles at a pace under 11 minutes! I've NEVER done that before and I was SO proud and happy when it announced my time!

I know I will have good and bad days with running, but I'm going to take this really good day for right now! 

Weight Watchers: Calculating Points and Fresh Mozzarella and Tomato Panini Recipe

Now that I am more than a month into my half-marathon training, I figured it is about time to get back into Weight Watchers. I mean, the company is still taking money out of my account each month, so I should probably go back to a meeting!

As someone who struggles with weight and finds food to be a challenge, Weight Watchers has provided me with some much needed structure. I've tried to do it without Weight Watchers and I can only get so far. So, yesterday I began counting points once again. Getting started with counting points is always a challenge, because you have to calculate every piece of food and every meal you make. It's not until you are at it for awhile the you start memorizing certain food points and can refer back to previous meal calculations. Weight Watchers has great online tools to keep track of everything, but I still like having a notebook to write all my points down! :)

Anyway, I made sure to calculate some of my favorite breakfast meals so that I can easily refer to those in the future. In addition, because I live and work on a college campus that provides me with a meal plan, I am constantly eating at Erbert and Gerbert's Sandwich Shop that is located in one of our food courts. So, this morning I also calculated some of the sandwiches offered there:

Comet Morehouse: 16 points

Bornk: 14 points

Haley's Comet: 14 points

Boney Billy: 14 points

Considering my daily points allowance is 26, these totals were not so great to see! It's good to know these now, though, so I can alter them in the future and fit them into my daily plan. 

Another (successful) food adventure I tried today was a new Weight Watchers recipe: 

Fresh Mozzarella and Tomato Panini

7 points 

1 serving = 2 sandwiches

Made with fresh tomatoes off my very first tomato plant!

Click on the link above to go to the recipe. It took less than 10 minutes to make and was really delicious. (I used basil instead of arugula.) Definitely worth a try! 

Couch to Half-Marathon Program

When I first started seriously considering running a half-marathon, I began to research training programs. I knew that I needed something that was going to start really slow and not immediately assume that I could run 6 miles! For me, the Digital Running's Couch to Half Marathon Training Plan was the perfect program for what I was looking to do. It is a 6 month program (I have 10 months) and truly begins with a run/walk of just 2 miles.

I began this training on June 11, 2013. So, obviously, I am in my second month of training and I am still going! The two mile runs were fairly "easy" for me considering I did run on occasion prior to this training; however, I am now into doing 3 mile runs and those are not as "easy" at this time. But, they are getting easier! 

Just 3 weeks into my training I went on vacation for two weeks. Any other time in my life I would have used that as a break from all exercise, but I was dedicated and tried to fit in runs whenever I could. My first night at home in St. Louis, I made sure to run the second I got done with my 8 hour drive. Now that I live in Wisconsin, though, the St. Louis humidity and 90+ degree temperatures were not fun at all! It was definitely not the best run, but I did run/walk 2.5 miles! 

I am hoping this motivation continues throughout the months to come. I am especially worried about ResLife training/Residence Hall Move-In that starts in less than a month! My plan is to just block off time each week to run and to not let anything get in the way of that! Any help in this area is definitely welcomed! 

My journey to now

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I do not remember a time when I felt a "normal" size, but rather was always seen as the chubby one, the overweight kid, and even the obese student. I often tried to hide it, like it was something that could be hidden from others, but baggy clothes and a desire to run does not make you skinny and fast on your feet. When I was in elementary and middle school, I was teased on the playground, felt on display during gym class, and hated shopping with others. I hit 200 pounds when I was just thirteen. I could not run the mile under 15 minutes. I shopped in the "larger" sections of department stores. And every New Year I would pledge to lose weight.

No matter how hard I "tried" to lose weight, though, I just kept gaining. I could go into all the reasons that led to my ultimate weight of 263 pounds, but instead of dwelling on that, I would rather share with everyone how I got to where I am now and where I still hope to go.

Back in 2009, when I was working as an Admission Counselor at Truman State University in Kirksville, Missouri, I had a friend talk to me about Weight Watchers. Now, I had been to Weight Watchers before, but something was different this time around. This time, I was in a place where I could control my environment around me. I was living on my own for the first time in a little apartment about a mile away from my office. I controlled what food was in that house and no one would see me working out like a crazy lady in my living room to the Dancing with the Stars Cardio Dance DVD.

My meetings were on Thursdays after work in the basement of a Senior Center. Thursdays were perfect because the weekends were always harder with food, so I had Monday-Thursday to "recover". I quickly made friends and started seeing results. Weight watchers was something that I could understand. It was a way to live in the real world and manage real food.

I had never been an athlete. I did a dance class when I was 8 and I was on a 4th Grade volleyball team. Other than that, I was good at being a student, a Girl Scout, and a clarinet player. So when it came time for me to start adding "activity" into my routine, it was hard. I was nervous to do anything where anybody would see me. For a time, I was confined to my living room. I brought up a Gazelle cardio machine and would do that while watching my favorite TV shows. I also bought numerous workout DVDs to do in the evenings. Eventually, this wasn't enough and I was getting bored.

I always wanted to be a runner, but all my good intentions and desires never translated into physical activity. Once I joined Weight Watchers, however, I figured it was as good a time as any to start trying to run. I began running at night through the neighborhoods near my home. The nighttime provided a protective shield. Fewer people would be out and my uncomfortableness would be less noticeable. I didn't run far and I didn't run fast. In fact, I think my running was the same as my walking just with a little more bounce! But, I was doing it.

Since 2009, I have lost close to 100 pounds. It was a combination of the right time and place and Weight Watchers. In the four years since belonging to Weight Watchers and officially starting this weight-loss journey, I have had plenty of ups and downs with keeping the pounds off. Overall, I have kept the majority of it off, but life transitions including significant moves (Kirksville, MO to Athens, GA to La Crosse, WI), graduate school, and new jobs has definitely presented it challenges with eating healthy and exercise. For someone who relies on food for comfort, transitions will always be hard, but I am determined to finally reach my Weight Watchers goal.

This summer I decided to start training for a half-marathon. Here in La Crosse, the Festival Foods Grandad Half-Marathon is a rather popular event to say the least. After having several friends run in the event this past year and several others ask if I would run it in the future, I decided to give it a try. Since moving to La Crosse (and eating the campus food!), I started to gain some weight back. I thought training for a half-marathon would not only improve my running skills, but also help me get back on my weight loss journey.

It's with this latest journey and challenge that I wanted to share my adventures with everyone. I know I will have highs and lows over this next year of training, but sharing this with everyone will hopefully help keep me motivated and focused. I know I am not alone in my struggles with weight, however, it is often something people think they have to go through alone. The first thing I realized after joining Weight Watchers was that being open about my struggles made the journey that much easier. So now I am focusing that openness into my half-marathon training and inviting you all to share in my adventure.

Thank you all for reading this blog, for following me, and for supporting me always.

Wish me luck and check back often to read about my progress!